October 2007

My two little pumpkins ages, 3 and 2 at the time. They are wearing little shirts I painted - one with a cat pumpkin and the other with a mouse pumpkin.

Jesus was a Commie

We have hit a new low in US politics. Apparently twisting the text of the Bible to suit their needs isn't enough for the Conservative Wackadoodles anymore; there is a call for a version of Bible edited to comport with the Wackadoodle Agenda, which, I'm horrified to report, seems to be creeping in to extinguish mainstream conservative politics.

Creeping? Who am I kidding? Are their really any mainstream conservatives anymore? It seems anyone with the sense enough to come to their own conclusions and not blindly agree with Limbaugh and that hatemonger Beck gets labeled a "Liberal" and ridiculed by their own party. Maybe the moderate conservatives are just quieter now out of a fear of being labeled, but common sense should never take a backseat to wackadoodle.

But back to my point. I'm not naive enough to think the Bible hasn't been "interpreted" in so many different ways that the real meaning of some, even key, passages may be seriously skewed anyway. And there are undoubtedly parts missing and so on - you run that risk with such an ancient work authored by so many. But to purposefully edit it to suit your political needs? My goodness - what would Jesus say about that?

Oh, and since Jesus would probably be a huge fan of social reform, universal health care, amnesty, helping our common man, and compassion to all (even undocumented workers!) and all that other mamby pamby whiney liberal bullshit, the irony of this proposal is almost painful.

Thanks to Time.com for bringing to light the "liberal corruption of the Bible." I had no idea that King James was one of those deviant Obama followers, but you live and learn.

My Newest Timesuck

Thank you to my good friend Amanda for causing me to waste even more of my time on the internet by directing me to this excellent little blog which I have added to my list of timesucks over on the right side there.

Regretsy.com is new, so I was pretty upset when I ran out of archives within minutes, but there's s much fertile crafty material out there waiting to be poked fun of, I have high hopes that it will be a favorite for a good long time.

Dear Baby Clothing Makers

I'll admit it - your stuff is cute. REALLY cute. I almost died of cuteness overload during a trip to the Mall today. Gymboree - you guys are pros at cuteness. And you know it. Children's Place, Old Navy. All cute.

Here's my problem, though: now that you are getting in your adorable long-sleeved clothes in. NONE of it fits my baby. None! Why not? Because she's too darn fat to fit in the shirts with sleeve lengths that don't droop down to her knee rolls. And shirts with appropriately-length sleeves are so tight, they turn her into a little sausage. Because she is a baby - and some babies just weren't designed to be aerodynamic. Babybeast, in all fairness, is one of the least aerodynamic toddlers you are likely to see.

And since she's the only child in the universe (per the retail evidence) with these particular dimensions, she's very hard to fit into anything but summer styles. She is currently sporting all 4T shorts and capris and all but a few 4T t-shirts. She is fairly tall for her age, but not extraordinarily so.

So my choices are, apparently:

~ To clothe her in short sleeves all winter (not entirely impossible - this is a fairly tropical clime, after all);

~ To put her in ill-fitting long sleeves that are sure to get sticky/wet almost immediately;

~ Or to put her on a diet, which has been suggested by several well-meaning but idiotic passersby, but for many reasons will not be happening, not the least that it is not only preposterous, but unhealthy. Sorry, baby - no milk for you today, it's Slimfast in your sippycup from now on!

So, Baby Clothing Makers, I went to the mall today planning to shop and came home empty handed. Mr. Lawyer thanks you. However, you may need to rethink your collections somewhat to encourage me to part with my dollars.

Please consider, for example, adding more 3/4 length sleeves. They are cute, stylish, and perfect for Babybeast. More capri pants would be fantastic as well - no rolling or jacking them up to her little armpits to force them to fit. And they wear just fine through the winter - it's not cold here, but even if it were, that's what layering is for.

Until I see some changes implemented, I will be sitting here, wallet in hand, not spending money on your products, despite desperately wishing to do so. Because I'm a sucker for cute. Please take my requests under serious advisement, on behalf of fat babies everywhere.

Graham Cracking

I had to make a run to Kroger yesterday for graham crackers for the little boy. We (boys and mommy) have been quite ill with the flu and his had progressed to pneumonia. To get him to eat, I promised graham crackers and so we ran (I use this loosely - thanks to the flu, I'm still in no shape for running) in to get some.

As I drove past the freezer section, the baby suddenly realized that she was restrained by the seatbelt in the cart and, displeased, let out one of her bloodcurdling "I am mightily displeased" screeches.

A second or so later, the freezer case that we were standing just a few feet from popped loudly and the entire door shattered into a million bajillion pieces.

I'm not sure what to make of that.

Noggin Report

On September 18, I took Babybeast in for her 15month well baby visit and pointed out the funny ridge on her head to the pediatrician. I had consulted Dr. Google beforehand, naturally, and had an idea of the possibilities. Babies have skull plates instead of a solid skull - the spaces between the plates allow for the brain and head to grow properly. Sometimes that doesn't happen like it should and one or more areas close too soon.

Xrays were taken immediately and she was diagnosed with Metopic Synostosis, or premature fusing of the Metopic suture, which is roughly the middle top of the head down to the forehead.

Sometimes this condition just causes a ridge with no other effects, which is essentially cosmetic and requires no treatment. Sometimes it is present at birth and causes a deformation of the head called trigoncephaly (triangle head) and is very obvious. If left, it can cause pressure to build up in the fluids around the brain and surgery is typically required.

Babybeast has a much milder version, which, in my nonexpert opinion, has caused her forehead to be narrower than it should and pinching her temples, though none of this is obvious by looking at her, unless you are looking for it. My concern is that her head may become deformed as the brain pushes in other directions, in order to grow. The only treatment for this condition, if it needs treatment, is surgery.

She will be seen by a neurosurgeon and craniofacial specialist later this month - hopefully we will have more information then.