Hey, it's Halloween - Time to Sacrifice the Baby!

I've been anticipating this moment all year, when I can get jiggy with a demon goat and sacrifice my children to the Lord of Darkness, driven by the bewitched Halloween candy I consume.

According to this eminently believable article, the author warns us:

"During this [Halloween] period demons are assigned against those who participate in the rituals and festivities. These demons are automatically drawn to the fetishes that open doors for them to come into the lives of human beings. For example, most of the candy sold during this season has been dedicated and prayed over by witches.

I do not buy candy during the Halloween season. Curses are sent through the tricks and treats of the innocent whether they get it by going door to door or by purchasing it from the local grocery store. The demons cannot tell the difference."

My friend Shannon reports that she observed a coven of witches encircling the candy display at Costco this past weekend - it all makes sense now.

I did buy several bags of Halloween candy this week. Mostly because the demons in the first bag I bought spirited me into mindlessly devouring the contents within days - obviously Twix Cookie Bars are an element of Satan.

I was smarter the second time - I opened the bags outside while reciting the Lord's Prayer and emptied the candy into a brown paper bag and the demons into the sand box. Lord help that stray cat next time he takes a dump in there. Two birds, one stone, eh?

Oh and I know you thought you were taking the kids out dressed as Spiderman and a Tinkerbell to gather a little sugary loot, make wonderful family memories, and enjoy fun annual traditions like candy apples, visiting the pumpkin patch, and making jack-o-lanterns, but whether you've realized it or not, you are actually training your children to worship Satan. Specifically, you are teaching them to engage in the following activities:

"~ Sex with demons
~ Orgies between animals and humans
~ Animal and human sacrifices
~ Sacrificing babies to shed innocent blood
~ Rape and molestation of adults, children and babies
~ Revel nights
~ Conjuring of demons and casting of spells
~ Release of "time-released" curses against the innocent and the ignorant.
~ ...necromancy, or communication with the dead. "

I know, it didn't seem so dark when you were digging through your kid's candy bags for the last Reese's Peanut Butter Cup, but I and author Kimberly Daniels can assure you otherwise.

Further, football fans, candy or no candy, you are totally out of luck. You bought a one way ticket to hell when you attended those occult Homecoming pep rallies:

"Gathering around bonfires is a common practice in pagan worship. As I remember, the bonfires that I attended during homecoming week when I was in high school were always in the fall. I am amazed at how we ignorantly participate in pagan, occult rituals."

So dear readers, enjoy your Milky Way snack bars and your Peanut M&Ms, and your mini Twizzlers while you can, oh and those pumpkin shaped Reese's are divine, aren't they? But remember the time will come to pay the piper and he wants more than your candy apples. Sorry to be the bearer of bad news. I don't think USPS forwards mail to H-E-double hockey sticks, but it doesn't hurt to ask.

I must now go and prepare the altar.

______________________

P.S. See also Stuff Fundies Like for more on the subject. Eeek!

"I got a rock."

Halloween Flower Fairy 2009

I see that the slideshow tends to cut off her head...I think if you click on that "see all images" button it will show you the full photos, if anyone is interested.

WTF?

If anyone knows how to fix the off and on wonky blog format, feel free to chime in - it's driving me nuts. Thanks.

OK, now it's back and I look dumb. Thanks Blogger! XOXO

Confucius Say: Are You People Serious?

Interesting story:

WASHINGTON (CNN) – In a belated celebration on Wednesday, the House marked last month's 2,560th birthday of Chinese philosopher Confucius by passing a resolution recognizing "his invaluable contributions to philosophy and social and political thought."

But some members apparently prefer their Confucius confined to a fortune cookie rather than on the House floor. According to the vote tally, 47 voted against the birthday resolution and 13 voted "present," while 361 supported it.

"We love Confucius, but what a joke of a vote," Rep. Jason Chaffetz, R-Utah, told CNN.

"I can't go back to the people of Utah and say, 'Yeah, we're voting on Confucius today,'" said Chaffetz, who called the resolution "absurd." "How many more birthdays do we vote on before we start fixing the economy?"

The resolution's sponsor, Democrat Al Green of Texas, said on the House floor the resolution is meant to celebrate the "personal introspection" of the Chinese philosopher and his "respect of social relationships, personal and governmental morality."

"He preached that politicians must always present truth and morality. He taught the philosophy of reciprocity, never impose upon others what you would not choose for yourself," said Green.

When asked about the criticism aimed at his resolution, Green gave CNN a Confucius-like statement: "Although I would like 100 percent of the people to agree with me 100 percent of the time, I have learned that rarely happens."

Arizona Republican Jeff Flake, who also voted against the measure, tried conjuring the Chinese philosopher in an e-mail prediction: "He who spends time passing trivial legislation may find himself out of time to read healthcare bill."

OK, I don't really care what your politics is, this IS a joke. I'm admittedly not current on Al Green's record as a legislator, but I had a couple cases before him way back when he was a Justice of the Peace here and I do have an impression of him based on that.

First, when you were scheduled for court, even a one minute hearing, you had to sit and listen to his spiel: the rules of the courtroom, the rules of procedure as they differ between Justice of the Peace Court and Small Claims Court (a JP in this state will hear both types on the same docket), what mediation is and why your case will be sent to it, the postjudgment procedures, his personal theory of justice, and several personal anecdotes, and so on and so forth.

Don't get me wrong - many JPs have a little speech that they repeat before they begin hearing cases. However the speech is usually less than ten minutes. Justice Green spoke routinely for an hour or more.

When you are a busy attorney charging your client by the hour, this expense of time is no trivial matter. Also, it was pure torture to have to sit and listen to.

I quickly came to the conclusion that Mr. Green really likes the sound of his own voice. Like. Really. And I began turning down any case in his court or that would have to be filed there (there weren't many, but still). In retrospect, this may have been part of his plan - lower his workload by boring the attorneys into fleeing his precinct, in which case, I do have to give him credit for a job well done.

I had one case - fairly trivial, but the client was willing to pay and legally they had an interesting case. Two extremely hostile neighbors were fighting over a tree and the damage it allegedly did to a carport and garage. Note: tree cases are rarely about the actual tree - they are much more likely to be about something else altogether. Bad feelings were not new between these neighbors - they had bickered for years over this and that - as I said, the problem was not rooted in the actual tree. It was a power struggle and nothing more, but there were legal issues that the parties could not (would not) work out, so to court it went.

Trials in JP court are often only a few minutes long. Once in a while you end up before a jury and even then, it doesn't last long. I think my maximum prior to this was a couple hours, but that included taking the judge out to a property (Road trip!) to personally view the damage.

This case (part of it the judge's speech and I think we went involuntarily to mediation for a short time, which did not go over well with either side) lasted six hours. I wish I was kidding - it lasted all day long. It was insane. I have never worked so hard for such a trivial matter in my life. And we won - I don't remember the details, but I do recall the Client thanking both myself and Jesus, so I know we won.....the specifics are irrelevant now. Six hours for something like a $1,400 case. Moral victory. Financial loss.

The same case in any other court would have lasted maybe an hour - there were a few witnesses and an expert witness (yes, I'm serious) to put on, but certainly not all day. It was solely because of justice Green that the parties and I unnecessarily wasted the better part of the day in his courtroom.

I don't think he is a bad guy. But in that instance, he was inconsiderate, impractical, dismissive of the value of each parties' time (and the financial repercussions of having counsel present), and I don't know if it was caused by an unduly high valuation of his own importance or that he was just completely oblivious of other peoples' needs. Maybe both.

This vote on Confucius seems to be a waste of time too. Perhaps not the biggest waste of time, but a waste nonetheless - a waste of effort and a waste of time. And it did bring him some recognition to boost his already inflated ego. I'm inclined to think it's not out of character for him at all. I hope I'm proven wrong.

The superior man is modest in his speech, but exceeds in his actions.
-Confucius, The Confucian Analects

Our Candy-Eating Robot

The costume is dotted in LED lights, which you can't really see right now, but they are truly the highlight. They look great at night. Hey - I just noticed one of the blue reflectors fell off....I'll have to fix that (yay for extras!).

For Halloween night he'll have on silver shoes and glittery silver makeup (probably just on his cheeks for the effect).

Here's a video - it's loud, so take those speakers down a notch. I'll try to get a nighttime video or at least one at dusk so you can get the full effect:

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Since I've been asked, the costume consists of the following:

1 - Turkey Roasting Pan ($1.00)
2 - Sets of small reflectors ($1.00)
6 - Small mirrors (unbreakable) ($2.00)
1 - Generic Tin (I used a candy tin) ($0.00)
3 - Sets of battery powered LED lights ($0.00)
1 - Multicolored battery operated LED pumpkin light. ($0.00)
1 - Solar Powered Calculator ($1.00)
7 - Reflective Stickers ($?.00)
2 - Foam-backed reflective car sunvisors ($2.00)
1 - Roll of metallic tape ($1.00)
1 - Roll of Clear Packing Tape ($1.00)
1 - Nail to make holes in pan ($0.00)
1 - Small hammer to make holes (could do by hand)
1 - Shower sprayer hose with sprayer removed ($1.00)
1 - Pair of grey sweat pants (with hole in knee) and grey shirt

I already had the items marked as $0.00, so the total price was about $12.00, primarily purchased from our local dollar store.

You can pretty much figure out the how-tos by looking at it and you might have some better ideas for materials or configuration than what I used but I'm pretty happy with the result. The base of the robot is just a piece of the sunvisor wrapped around and stapled directly to his sweatpants - it's open in the back to allow for movement. I do have another pan for the back of the costume, but I'm not sure I'm going to bother with it at this point.

Note that it is not the most resilient costume, though, so for a really boisterous child, you'd need to find something more durable than an aluminum pan. Other ideas - paint pan (still shiny, but much harder), dish drying rack pan sprayed silver, several layers of cardboard sprayed silver.

Happy Halloweening!

The Kittysuit

By request, here's the babe at the neuro appointment. Full body shots with tail will have to wait - she wouldn't look up when I tried to take some outside today. Far too busy gathering acorns - you would have thought she was wearing a squirrel suit by the way she went about collecting them in her little paws.

No!

Mr. Lawyer asked me, "Why does the baby keep yelling "No!" at me and whacking me in the face?" (He's not kidding - for the record, she wields a mean uppercut.)

Me: "She's showing you your nose, honey. Isn't that sweet - she has a new word? Just acknowledge it, tell her she's smart, and she'll move on to poking you in the eye instead."

Mr. Lawyer: "Why can't you just teach her about belly buttons?"

Dear Local Republican Party:

Thank you so much for the multitude of recent telephone calls lately. Mr. Jared Woodfill, in particular - so nice to hear your robocall. I really do like touching base with you on a daily basis - or should I say with your grating recorded message?

I have three children ages five and under and two of them still nap. Heck, I still nap on occasion. I think it's adorable when they wake screaming and crabby to your calls. You see, I'm on the Texas no call list and the Federal Do Not Call list, so I don't get many other calls other than humans who actually wish to speak with me and care what I think instead of calling to dictate what I should believe.

However, I realize you have the First Amendment right to annoy me in my own home, so it's not actually the calls per se which concern me.

I see you have set your caller ID information to read the name of the county in which I reside rather than "Republican Robocall" or some other more honest label. I can only assume that is because when people see "Republican Robocall" on their caller ID, they ignore the call altogether, yet when they see a call from what deceptively appears to be a government entity, they snap to it and answer the phone.

I know I do - in part because family members work for that government entity and I also do occasional work for cases in the county. While I can't imagine a court would call me at home, when I see the caller ID, I answer it just in case - you never want to ignore a call from a court.

So, dear Local Republican Party, do I think you have set up the caller ID information like this intentionally? Of course - it's just naive to think otherwise. Do I think that's deceptive, even a little dirty to con people into answering their phones? It's not exactly Bernie Madoff, but yes, it's dishonest to be sure.

Strangely, I never get automated calls of any kind from the Democrats. I'm not sure if they are so disorganized that they can't put them together, they realize people hate getting automated calls so they put their money into other activities, they can mysteriously tell that they probably already have my vote, or I simply didn't make the calling list. Fine with me - keep me off. I doubt an automated political call has ever changed someone's mind, but I can tell you it certainly wouldn't change mine.

In conclusion, Local Republican Party, cut it out, for Pete's sake - this isn't endearing you to anyone, I assure you. And frankly, you really need to work on being a little more endearing because it's not looking real good right now.

Sincerely,

Me

Noggin Report II

We (finally) had out consult with the pediatric neurosurgeon today about the Baby's head. The good news is that - most likely no surgery will be needed. Babybeast has a CT scan on Monday to make sure her brain has enough space, but that seemed like a formality more than anything. I'm not sure how I'm a) going to get downtown by 6:30am with a baby that normally sleeps until 9:30 and b) how I'm going to convince her not to eat or drink all night. We may seek a second opinion, as a matter of course, but I'm very pleased with the news from today.

Toxins Be Gone!

Too bad it's not that simple. One website, HealthyStuff.org has tested thousands of children's products and other household items to find out what you are really buying.

They test for all sorts of toxic nastiness:

While there are a number of chemicals of concern that have been found in common consumer products, HealthyStuff.org focused on a subset of chemicals that could be detected by the XRF technology: lead, cadmium, chlorine, arsenic, bromine and mercury. HealthyStuff.org also contains information on consumer products that contain chromium, tin, and antimony. Each of these chemicals also represents potential exposure to workers or communities during the manufacture of products containing them, and potentially to communities where the products are disposed.

HealthyStuff.org selected these elements and related or associated chemical compounds because they have been identified by many regulatory agencies as problematic chemicals or they are associated with problematic compounds and/or because of their toxicity or suspected toxicity, persistence, and/or their tendency to build up in people and the environment. These chemicals have also been linked in animal and, less often, in human studies to long-term health impacts such as birth defects, impaired learning, liver toxicity, and cancer. They were also chosen because these chemicals, or their elemental building blocks, have been subject to either regulatory restrictions or voluntary limits set by industry associations or third party environmental certification organizations.

While I don't have the time to search for each and every item I own on the website, it's reasurring that someone out there is checking up on products that children and babies will be handling (and chewing on), especially since, as we've seen, it's not necessarily cheapo dollar store items that are contaminated.

The CPSC, which is charged with protecting the public "against unreasonable risks of injuries associated with consumer products" has had its fair share of controversy in recent years, but I beleive it's one of our better functioning government agencies, despite the criticism. Not that it is necessarily inept or corrupt, but simply overworked and far too small and underfunded for the job at hand. I hope that more attention will be paid to its importance in the future.

Until then sites like HealthyStuff.org exist to help fill in the cracks of missing information and help push consumers to demand safer prodeucts for their families.

Miscellaneous

A bit of this and some of that in a stream of consciousness format...

~ We had Curriculum Night in kindergartenland tonight. My kid has been trying to teach the others to read - how sweet is that? I'm so proud of him - he just loves his teacher, adores school, and I know I'm really lucky that it all seems to come naturally to him thus far.

~ Babybeast has her head apointment tomorrow afternoon. I'll report back sometime after that.

~ Blogger seems to be farking up people's comments and giving a warning that they can't comment. It's done that to me several times, but if you try again it typically goes through ok. Don't give up!

~ The google hits on this blog are pretty funny. And some less so. The "rape" search that hit this political entry was a little disturbing. I was excited to see someone out there wanted to know more about veggie crunchers today - and who wouldn't, because they are the epitome of veggie awesomeness? And couple of people who I've spoken to have googled the blog by name because they keep forgetting the url - just bookmark me - or click that follow/fan button over on your right - it's easy! And some Google hits are completely random and almost certainly not what they were actually searching for, but it looks like I'm interesting for them to stick around and read a few pages anyway - how cool is that?

~ It has come to my attention that someone thinks I'm a dude. Nay nay buffalay; this writer is 100% female type human person.

~ I've got a few click-throughs from antisobriety.com to particular entry. You can't see the forum without registering but with that name, I must know what it's about - if any members are visiting, please enlighten me!

~ My afternoon was spent grocery shopping in a thunderstorm with three kids 5 and under. Grocery shopping in a thunderstorm with three kids 5 and under sucks big time - there's no sugarcoating it.

~ One of our cats pooped a big rank steaming kitty turd into the kids' Christmas ornament box last night. Seriously, cat - WTF?

Tweet Tweet

I showed this to the kids. The 5yo thought the giant bird was absolutely hilarious. "Play it again!!!!"

The 4yo was perplexed by the fact that the newscaster was "talking like a girl."

Why I Would Consider Moving to the Midwest

The First Step Is Admitting You Have Problem

I gots one.

I just downed an unholy amount of Veggie Crunchers - they are deeeeeelish!

I'm feeling rather.......full.

They were so nice, I was going to do a review and whatnot, but for reasons unknown, the product is not featured on its manufacturer, Amport Food's website, which is annoying. And then I was going to take a photo of the bag, but, quite frankly, it's much less attractive when it's not full (read: mostly empty), so I'm linking you to someone else's blog for pics instead. She has a great review on there as well.

Veggie Crunchers are basically thinly sliced vegetables (sweet potatoes, zucchini, yellow squash, taro, and green beans) vacuum dried, rather than fried and then lightly coated in nonhydrogenated canola oil and sea salt. I admit I had to look up Taro since I can't say I'm the most adventurous eater out there.

The result is fantastic. They are just as crisp and crunchy as if they has been deep fried, but without the scary carcinogenic health risks. Each variety is sweet yet salty, but not overwhelmingly either. And the green beans, which are not my favorite vegetable, are crispy and sweet and almost unrecognizable to the palate. And yes, the taro is quite tasty as well.

There are no preservatives or artificial colors - the veggies keep their own colors quite well. Besides fresh vegetables, canola oil, and sea salt, the only other ingredient is dextrin, which makes for a short ingredients list which makes for a happy mommy. I cannot tell you how often I am excited about a product and yet horrified by the ingredients list.

I'm under no delusion that this product can replace vegetables on a daily basis, but it's a great choice for school lunches, on-the-go-snacks, or to replace a less healthy option.

The downside is that as far as I can tell, the product is available only at Costco where I paid six-something for a fourteen ounce bag.

The picky four year old begged me to try them and promptly spat out the carrot I offered. I don't think it was what he was expecting - carrots are his favorite veggie, but the texture was so different. He then he warily tried some of the other flavors. I may or may not have fibbed and said they were all "fancy potatoes" but he liked them enough to finish what I offered him and ask for a couple more pieces.

Babybeast ate the bits I gave her and screeched for more, so they were definitely a hit with her.

The five year old is part goat. He devours most anything in his path. I have have absolutely no doubt that he will snarf however much he is offered and then hound me for more. The child eats almost constantly - this is the one who is likely to be 6'5" or so like his uncle.

Mr. Lawyer will not get to sample them, but he'd probably like them if I had left any for him to try....

Post Script to Franken Amendment Controversy

The Dept. of Defense opposed it as well. The article deserves a read - several interesting tidbits in there.

I promise, I'll post some cheerier stuff later today, ok?

I Know No One Will Read it, But....

I just sent off a letter to John Cornyn. Which will be summarily deleted, I have no doubt.

Why would I do that, you ask?

Because he voted in favor of gang rape, along with 29 other fine U.S. Senators.

Surely not, you say! But unfortunately, it's true. I first read about it at appletreeblog.com, but it's been in both the news and the fake news:

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Rape-Nuts
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Ron Paul Interview

There's not much that can be done at this point beyond expressing my outrage, because despite the acts of these thirty senators, the legislation did pass. Now, thankfully, federal contractors will be subject to civil lawsuits if they are found negligent in cases of sexual assault and other crimes of the person. Victims will be permitted to sue their employers instead of being subject to arbitration agreements; arbitration is not only expensive, but it is weighed heavily in favor of the employers.

Nonetheless, I felt compelled to shoot off a short note to John Cornyn anyway:

Mr. Cornyn:

I was deeply disappointed to learn of your recent vote in favor of protecting overseas federal contractors whose employees engage in rape and other forms of assault against female employees. I understand the scenario of federal contractors protecting violent employees and furthering an environment that makes sexual assaults likely is not uncommon - to see you and a number of other Republicans vote to uphold the status quo was extremely upsetting to me as a woman.

In fact, I cannot stress how much I was upset upon learning that anyone opposed this legislation. As far as I am concerned, the matter is neither Republican nor Democrat, but rather a basic human issue. I have friends who are rape survivors and the victim never completely recovers from the experience; I cannot imagine affirmatively protecting an entity that harbors a corporate atmosphere that makes such an assault possible or even likely. I cannot imagine protecting an entity that covers up systematic sexual assault.

Your vote tells me that you value corporations over women's safety and it makes me wonder why a corporation is a higher priority to you.

Please think about the real consequences of your vote in the future - it's not always "politics as usual." Sometimes you have the chance to really help and sometimes it's more important to do what's right rather than walk the party line.

Sincerely,

[Name and Address]

So he'll have that to delete first thing in the morning, but it was better than not saying anything.

Amused?

Why, yes.

Amused?

No. Not even a little.

The Glorious Colors of Autumn

Here are some lovely trees in autumn shades of reddy brown near the house:


Except those are evergreens. Pine trees.

Evergreens, of course, don't turn colors in the fall - unless they are dead. The scene is common - large clusters of pine trees dead all over the area. We had a particularly hot summer which was particularly devoid of rain. We had a few days of rain in August, but by then the trees were stressed considerably.

The drought didn't kill them, however - a tiny little pest did. The Southern Pine Bark Beetle has been active in the area. It's a quick and lethal creature - it takes down stressed trees easily, but will destroy healthy ones just the same. We lost three or four massive pines on our property a few years back - the invoice for removing the trees was a whopper and we were pretty upset that the extra cost to purchase the heavily treed lot was wasted in a matter of months. Still mad about that, truth be told.

There are very few signs that your tree is infested with beetles - once you can see the damage, it's really too late to rehabilitate the tree. Once the tree turns noticeably brown, the beetles have left for another host and it's "Sayonara, Pine Tree." There are a few ways to control the pest, but they aren't very effective or practical.

So anyway - this is our Fall color this year. Whee. In case you are wondering, the rest of the trees (both deciduous and evergreen) are still very green. It was in the low nineties this week, so I expect it to be green around here for a while. Our seasonal color goes something like this: green, green, green, green, brownandfalloff, buds in January, green, green, green.....

Oh, we do have one tree variety that does make gorgeous colors in some years, but the Chinese Tallow is considered nastily invasive in Texas (and probably everywhere else) and we've been asked not to plant any - it reproduces quickly and edges out the native varieties. Annoying, that, but what are you going to do?

But hey, we aren't shoveling snow like some states, so I guess I shouldn't complain. For the record, there has been no need to shovel snow in this area since....well....ever. And you will never see me complaining about that.

p.s. Tomorrow, the boys and I are making Autumn Leaves as a craft - it's the best I can do for them this year. If you have any groovy Autumn kiddy crafts, feel free to link me up, ok?

NEWS ALERT: Meghan McCain Has Boobs!

And all the twitterverse has gone mad.

Meghan McCain posted a photo of herself on her twitter account. It showed some boobage (OMG THE HORROR!). And then she apparently got a ton of flack from her followers, who called her nasty names and tweeted unjustified implications, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

I would guess that most of her followers are Republicans, but that's beside the point, really. Well, no, maybe that is some of my point, now that I think about it. Hmmm.

This is Meghan McCain, daughter of John McCain. She is literate. She is conservative. She's pretty darn cute. Oh, and she has boobs:

Come on, kids - they are just boobs. Owning does not mean that one is a "slut" or imply anything of the sort. Maybe she should have used better judgement in choosing what to post, knowing that her particular audience is significantly more conservative than average, but her photo, which is neither obscene nor in any way offensive, deserves not even one of the rude comments that it drew. And seriously, what sort of good Christian or promoter of family values goes around calling people whores, anyway?

Here is Ms. McCain's own response to the tempest in a twitterpot on The Daily Beast.

For those that don't know anything about McCain, she is a Republican blogger and columnist who is socially surprisingly moderate. She is tolerant, seems to stay away from negative politics, and I think she generally has a good head on her shoulders, particularly given a few more years under her belt.

I'd actually think if more Republicans paid heed to her practices, they would have a bigger (and happier) following, including the much sought after young adult vote. No doubt we will see more of her in the coming years, hopefully as the conservative voters back slowly away from the radical right, horrified of the kind of race-baiting, hateful politics and negativity they have promoted in recent years. That might just be my own personal fantasy, but a girl can dream, no?

And in the long run, while I doubt she will make a habit of posting photos without careful consideration, exposure like this (haha - I made a pun), will only benefit her long term in terms of publicity. Kudos to you, Meghan.

You Can.

The global economic crisis has caused a spike in world hunger that has left more than a billion undernourished, United Nations agencies said in a new report.

The report says the stabilization of financial markets has meant less investment in agriculture, food distribution.

"It is unacceptable in the 21st century that almost one in six of the world's population is now going hungry," said Josette Sheeran, executive director of the World Food Programme. "At a time when there are more hungry people in the world than ever before, there is less food aid than we have seen in living memory."

Want to help? We can.

In a related note, I now feel ill after reading this, for more reasons than the obvious.

In Defense of Marriage

This video gets to the point of what is really harming American marriages. Thanks to this campaign, maybe the homosexual agenda will have less of an impact on our traditional families.



And for those who are wavering, keep in mind that Pat Robertson agrees wholeheartedly.

Thanks for watching and supporting this worthwhile campaign; hopefully the momentum will spread from California to the rest of the states once the election is won.

Halloween Peanuts

Halloween is a dangerous time for kids who are highly allergic to peanuts - the treats might end up being as scary as anything else out there. When you are buying your trick-or-treat candy, please consider buying peanut-free.

If you must have your Reese's (yum!), consider buying some peanut-free candy so you are prepared if one of your local children has severe allergies. Ideally, your peanut-free candy would be kept in a separate bowl to eliminate the possibility of cross-contamination.

On behalf of parents with severely allergic kids everywhere, thank you!

Trick or Treat to Make a Difference

Here's a great charity that everyone can stand behind - UNICEF is holding their annual Trick or Treat for UNICEF fundraising event again this year. Please consider ordering, making, or picking up from Pier 1, Hallmark, and Baskin Robbins stores Halloween-themed Unicef boxes to take Trick-or-Treating this year to fill with change to make a change.

This is a fantastic opportunity to teach even the littlest children that they can help. And it's easy!

The first step is to explain to your children what they will be doing and why it's so important. You may also need to explain that it will not diminish their candy haul even a little. Each child should know that not everyone is as fortunate as they are but that they can make a difference. My boys were upset to learn that some children and even babies don't have enough food to eat, but they were also very excited to learn that they could do something to help.

The money they collect will benefit children all over the world by providing basic necessities like food, water, medicine, and education. UNICEF also provides aid to disaster areas such as the recent earthquake and tsunami victims which your kids may have seen on the news lately.

Every moment of every day, UNICEF is on the ground providing lifesaving help for children in need. We provide families with clean water and sanitation, we vaccinate against childhood illness, and we help protect children against malaria. We provide nourishment to fight malnutrition, and we care for children affected by AIDS. We protect children from abuse, and we give them an education. We are here to make sure that all children lead a healthy, humane, and dignified life.

UNICEF has been helping children for over 60 years and has saved more children’s lives than any other organization in the world. We have the history and the experience to overcome obstacles like politics and poverty—even war—which can stand in the way of helping a child survive. While we could never do it alone, we are often the ones who reach children in need after everyone else has given up.

On Halloween night, or your area's designated trick-or-treat night, just take your Unicef box/canister with you and ask people to contribute and have them explain where the money will go. Seriously, who can resist a tot in costume asking for pennies for charity?

And sending in your collected funds is super easy. Do you live next to a Coinstar machine? You can just dump the change in there and Unicef will receive 100% of it, no postage needed. There are also several easy ways to donate by credit card or the old fashioned way via the post office.

I'd suggest using the Coinstar machine and tossing in the money you otherwise would have paid in postage - every little bit counts!

Oh, and lastly, you can even double your take via a corporate sponsor - check out how here.

And if you don't have a child or don't plan to trick-or-treat, please consider a small donation anyway.

"Practice cancelled due to inclimate weather‏"

I love it! Inclimate weather. I may have to work that into something somehow. Not sure I can do that without sounding like a moron, but still...I like the idea.

It's raining, which makes the lawn happy. And according to the boys it makes the trees happy because they are thirsty. No doubt they are right.

Soccer practice is canceled, which makes me sad because I've paid for it, but happy because I'm flat out exhausted and the idea of spending an hour chasing the baby off a muddy field is an unattractive one at best.

The rain will make my roses happy too. No, not the roses I have in the front flower bed or the roses I have in pots on my front porch, but the three rose plants I have yet to plant....that have been sitting waiting for attention for a long time. Probably the better part of two to three months. Yeah......I know. But after a near-death experience in last month's heat, they seem thrilled to be alive and are flowering madly, encouraged by the relatively cool temperatures we are experiencing and I'm hoping to get to them this weekend.

I've promised to remove the children from the house tomorrow afternoon for several hours to allow Mr. Lawyer to enjoy his game. Fair enough, since he will be taking them to their soccer game at 8:30a.m. and I don't plan to attend. He doesn't actually know this yet, but since I won't make him get up 4900 times tonight and breastfeed the teething baby, I will accept it as his major contribution to parenting for the day.

Any ideas for entertaining 5, 4, and 1.5 for three hours tomorrow? If it's raining, I am considering taking them jeans shopping with me. Doesn't that sound like fun? Jeans shopping with three small, antsy, helpers? Jealous? Oh, yes, I know - you want to come too, doncha? I thought so.

Said teething baby needs attention. NOW. Have a good night.

Kindergarten Report

The following is what Mr. 5yo reported to me on the way home from Kindergarten:

"Today we had College Day and I am going to college to be a MOUNTAIN CLIMBER!"

"They sent [Tommy] out of the class and he has to go to the Naughty Boy Class every day now to learn to keep his hands to himself and I hope it works because he's really naughty and one day the police might come to take him to JAIL he's so naughty."

"They serve JUNK FOOD at lunch and those kids are not going to grow. I'm glad I bring my lunch so I can eat my vegetables."

"I'm the goodest boy in kindergarten EVERY day."

"Guess what? I didn't wipe my mouth or nose on my shirt even once!"

"Mommy Mommy Mommy - Mrs. Simmons has a wife and his name is Mr. Simmons and it's his BIRTHDAY today!"

I'm not so sure everything we learned everything we needed to know in kindergarten after all, but it's a start.

Mellowcreme Pumpkins

Are my downfall. That is all.

And No Sweatpants with Ass-Words, Either

Girly is ok - and has always been ok. And the little girlies like it - I get that. Babybeast is attracted to sparkly items like a darn magpie.

But I'm picky. I have standards. I have.....um.....issues.

To wit:

1) No giant bows like this.


Or this:

2) No princess wear, however cute. Princess theme is ok, I guess, but anything that affirmatively labels the child a princess (or a "brat") is a no-go.

3) No licensed characters (note the double no-no here).

4) No branded logo clothing. My children are not billboards - if they are going to advertise, I want royalties.

5) Anything ridiculous. Even kids have personal dignity - we should let them keep at least a scrap of it in public.



6) Death-themed items for infants and toddlers. It's creepy, for Pete's sake!

I understand that other people put their children in fluffy reversible branded logo licenced character death princess clothing with matching bows that reduce their field of vision to a tiny pinhole area, but that's just not how I roll.

With that in mind, I'm not responsible for dressing other people's kids, and unless your child is something grossly inappropriate, I'm not going to bat an eyelash whatever she or he wears, so there's not need to be on the defensive if you are really into fluffy reversible branded logo licenced character death princess clothing with matching bows that reduce their field of vision to a tiny pinhole area.

So yes, I'm cool with girly. But I'm perfectly at peace with my pickiness too.

Hair Doodads

Oh my. The baby is obsessed with barrettes. I'm not a fan of those ridiculously big bows people sometimes buy for babies, but little bitty ones and little flower barrettes are pretty cute. And I'm a sucker for cute.

She has a not small box of them - I went a little mad buying them some time back plus we've had several packages given to us. My thinking is that they are essentially disposable products; not by design so much, but as a practical matter they don't tend to be long-lived items for picky-fingered silky-haired babies, so we have lots of them.

She got ahold of the box of them yesterday and insisted that each and every last one be affixed to her head. You may recall that Babybeast is not exactly gifted in the hair department, which presented a bit of a logistical challenge. The result was just awesome.

I didn't have enough time to grab the camera, but imagine her in a diaper, six multicolored sparkly strings of necklace beads, handbag in hand, and about 40 barrettes on her head. A few wiggles later and they had all but fallen out, but for the previous seconds, Miss Glamourpants strutted and pranced around absolutely thrilled with herself.

It was hilarious in so many ways and a little scary to see her showing such self-awareness. Now the question is how to keep that sense of pride and confidence in herself and her appearance from waning. I guess we'll tackle that one day at a time.

*Photo above is from Nattybratty.com

What the hell kind of blog are you running here?

That's a direct quote from an old friend who I gave the link to this weekend. She couldn't figure out if it was a family blog, a political blog, or a nutrition/health/green blog. Fair enough, but can it not be "e. all of the above?"

I either have too many interests or, more likely, too little attention span to focus on any one subject for long. I mean, how interesting are my kids day in and day out? I think they are adorable, but it's my job to and I'm smart enough to realize my spawn aren't as fascinating to everyone else all the time.

And I'm not crafty enough for this to be a crafty blog, though I admit I have crafty tendencies, if only in my head. Well, crafty aspirations, at least.

And I'm madly political some days, but many days am perfectly happy with my head stuck in the sand. Not happy so much as afraid, actually. But same effect. I am amused at the google hits I get on some subjects though - the last Jesus entry, for example.

And I'm quite interested in health/nutrition and try to be green and promote environmentally responsible choices, but there are so many fantastic sources for that sort of information that I don't feel the need to focus on those issues daily.

So I guess I'm a hybrid. Or a mutant? Probably a mutant. You get what you get on any given day. And if you don't like it, come back tomorrow and it will probably be something completely different.

October 2008

Here's our "pumpkin patch" last year. Yes, I have three kids and only one is featured - it's not because I forgot about the other two, but rather they were so exhausted after their school Halloween parties that they refused to pose. I have a few shots, but they came out terribly, so you just get this one. But isn't she a cutie?

Last year we had a Dinosaur (purchased) and a light-up Christmas Tree at the house. By far, the Tree got the most attention - it was, if I do say so, quite magnificent. I know I got him on video....I'll have a look around for that.

I'm working on their costumes for this year. So far Mister 5yo wants to be "a door" and Mister 4yo wants to be "a fish." The baby has no preference, though she seems drawn to sparkly attire - the gaudier the better. I have ideas for each of them, but they are still in preliminary planning stages, so you'll all have to wait and see.

October 2007

My two little pumpkins ages, 3 and 2 at the time. They are wearing little shirts I painted - one with a cat pumpkin and the other with a mouse pumpkin.

Jesus was a Commie

We have hit a new low in US politics. Apparently twisting the text of the Bible to suit their needs isn't enough for the Conservative Wackadoodles anymore; there is a call for a version of Bible edited to comport with the Wackadoodle Agenda, which, I'm horrified to report, seems to be creeping in to extinguish mainstream conservative politics.

Creeping? Who am I kidding? Are their really any mainstream conservatives anymore? It seems anyone with the sense enough to come to their own conclusions and not blindly agree with Limbaugh and that hatemonger Beck gets labeled a "Liberal" and ridiculed by their own party. Maybe the moderate conservatives are just quieter now out of a fear of being labeled, but common sense should never take a backseat to wackadoodle.

But back to my point. I'm not naive enough to think the Bible hasn't been "interpreted" in so many different ways that the real meaning of some, even key, passages may be seriously skewed anyway. And there are undoubtedly parts missing and so on - you run that risk with such an ancient work authored by so many. But to purposefully edit it to suit your political needs? My goodness - what would Jesus say about that?

Oh, and since Jesus would probably be a huge fan of social reform, universal health care, amnesty, helping our common man, and compassion to all (even undocumented workers!) and all that other mamby pamby whiney liberal bullshit, the irony of this proposal is almost painful.

Thanks to Time.com for bringing to light the "liberal corruption of the Bible." I had no idea that King James was one of those deviant Obama followers, but you live and learn.

My Newest Timesuck

Thank you to my good friend Amanda for causing me to waste even more of my time on the internet by directing me to this excellent little blog which I have added to my list of timesucks over on the right side there.

Regretsy.com is new, so I was pretty upset when I ran out of archives within minutes, but there's s much fertile crafty material out there waiting to be poked fun of, I have high hopes that it will be a favorite for a good long time.

Dear Baby Clothing Makers

I'll admit it - your stuff is cute. REALLY cute. I almost died of cuteness overload during a trip to the Mall today. Gymboree - you guys are pros at cuteness. And you know it. Children's Place, Old Navy. All cute.

Here's my problem, though: now that you are getting in your adorable long-sleeved clothes in. NONE of it fits my baby. None! Why not? Because she's too darn fat to fit in the shirts with sleeve lengths that don't droop down to her knee rolls. And shirts with appropriately-length sleeves are so tight, they turn her into a little sausage. Because she is a baby - and some babies just weren't designed to be aerodynamic. Babybeast, in all fairness, is one of the least aerodynamic toddlers you are likely to see.

And since she's the only child in the universe (per the retail evidence) with these particular dimensions, she's very hard to fit into anything but summer styles. She is currently sporting all 4T shorts and capris and all but a few 4T t-shirts. She is fairly tall for her age, but not extraordinarily so.

So my choices are, apparently:

~ To clothe her in short sleeves all winter (not entirely impossible - this is a fairly tropical clime, after all);

~ To put her in ill-fitting long sleeves that are sure to get sticky/wet almost immediately;

~ Or to put her on a diet, which has been suggested by several well-meaning but idiotic passersby, but for many reasons will not be happening, not the least that it is not only preposterous, but unhealthy. Sorry, baby - no milk for you today, it's Slimfast in your sippycup from now on!

So, Baby Clothing Makers, I went to the mall today planning to shop and came home empty handed. Mr. Lawyer thanks you. However, you may need to rethink your collections somewhat to encourage me to part with my dollars.

Please consider, for example, adding more 3/4 length sleeves. They are cute, stylish, and perfect for Babybeast. More capri pants would be fantastic as well - no rolling or jacking them up to her little armpits to force them to fit. And they wear just fine through the winter - it's not cold here, but even if it were, that's what layering is for.

Until I see some changes implemented, I will be sitting here, wallet in hand, not spending money on your products, despite desperately wishing to do so. Because I'm a sucker for cute. Please take my requests under serious advisement, on behalf of fat babies everywhere.